Hello out there to all those that will be reading this blog. I am dedicating this blog to a wonderful amazing man in my life. This amazing man also is a survivor of R.A.D. (Reactive Attachment Disorder). My hopes is that through this blog he will begin to see just what it is exactly that I see in him and why I will not give up.
I am a 27 year old female that is about to turn 28 in two weeks. My life at this point in time is a crazy rollercoaster but I love where it is headed and there is no way that I am getting off. I met the man of my dreams about a year and 1/2 ago and my life has just been a crazy exciting ride ever since. In my opinion we found eachother at a time that we both needed to find one another, but that is just my opinion on the matter. Living with someone who has Reactive Attachment Disorder is not exactly the easiest thing in the world it is definately challenging I almost feel that when I brought this wonderful man into my life there should have been a manual that came along with him but sadly there was not I just had to learn about him and how to deal with this disorder on my own just like many many many of you out there in your own lives.
I will describe our first date because it is one date that I will never forget. I pulled up to the starbucks nervous as hell wondering what this guy was going to think of me, how he was going to feel, would there be a spark ya know the usual typical feelings before a first date. I found a spot on one of the comfy chairs and waited for him to get there. I knew exactly who he was when he walked in the door, he had spikey (sp?) black hair and leather jacket on, kakhis and his laptop bag on his arm and his cell phone glued to his ear (just like now lol ).... I was so nervous do I get up do I not get up, I decided not to get up, BOY was that the wrong idea! We had coffee, we talked a bit, he looked at some of my art work I am a graphic designer. Well after starbucks we decided we liked eachother enough to go to the bookstore. We went to the bookstore and he bought a book that he has been wanting forever I had no real interest in the book at the time but little did I know that this book was going to be a book that would change BOTH of our lives.
After the bookstore we decided we still liked eachother enough to go grab dinner, we went to IHOP he had his coffee,coke,water eggs and pancakes which now to me are his staple foods and beverages. We talked some more, and he has these eyes, these eyes that are so telling and so true and just can pierce right through you and know who you are without saying a word. He sat back and watched me and listened to me talk his eyes were almost haunting. We talked about our first date ideas and mine was the usual coffee, dinner, his was going out in the woods and camping. I thought that was a bit drastic for a first encounter but not to him. Then he insulted me although he will beg to differ on this one :). He told me that because i did not get up to greet him when at starbucks that I was the independent type, he also proceeded to tell me that I am to independent and will most likely be alone for the rest of my life. Thats a pretty bold statement to make when you don't know me don't ya think?
Moving on, I got over that and we walked outside in the rain and he hugged me goodbye and it was a wierd hug it was like hugging someone that basically didnt want to hug back, i thought maybe i did something but realized it was not me. When i got home of course we talked some more and he sent me a link to a song that till this day i love that song and when i hear it i instantly think of him, it was "Guarenteed" by eddie vedder from the Into The Wild Soundtrack. After that we were pretty much inseperable. Spending everyday together, talking everyday, emailing, texting and to me I was happy of course but thought it was a bit odd that someone you just met is throwing their all into it right off the bat.
Eventually he kept coming over and finally he just moved in lol funny how that works. I had never heard of Reactive Attachment Disorder before meeting my man. He told me a bit about his adoption and that he had R.A.D. I have seen some pretty monumental changes from the guy that I met at that coffee shop a year and 1/2 ago till this day. He slowly slowly, would let me in bit by bit on his background but was still feeling me out. You see everyone in his life used him, or used what he would say to them etc... to get back at him somehow, they would turn on him, cheat on him, hurt him, etc. and I just want to know where he met these women!! How could anyone ANYONE hurt this sweet, amazing, troubled man. My heart went out to him more and more when he would open up about his past.
I do not have R.A.D. I am not adopted so I can't imagine what life is like for him only can I try to understand what his life is like. In my blogs to come I will delve deeper into certain experiences for now I am just leading up to those moments.
Anyone who reads this that lives with someone, or knows someone with R.A.D. knows that they do not show emotion well, they do not handle emotion well, they do not know how to handle a genuine person that crosses their path. He is still trying to figure me out and make sure im not out to use or hurt him. My guy is my world, and there is no way at all nor is there anything at all in this world except for death , would make me walk away from him. I cannot fix him and I don't want to fix him he is perfect just the way he is, what I want is to be able to understand and help him heal. I would never turn my back on my best friend just because he suffers from this horrendous disorder and its pretty HORRENDOUS.
I love him with all my heart and I am determined that throughout this blog he will truly know that I am not going anywhere, I would never walk out on him or turn my back to him, we have been through some pretty pretty tough horrible moments together that have almost torn us apart but I really believe that we are still together and still working together for a reason, for him its easy to be able to walk out thats what he has always done, but me? I would fight for him till I had nothing left in me to fight with. We have a powerful bond whether or not he sees that or can understand that but again that is my hope that through my blog he will begin to understand.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings... feel free to respond!!! :)
-LivingWithARadtasticGuy-
